Struggling...

[ Let Go ]

Some people cannot love not because they are not capable of loving. It’s because they're in much pain. They're hurting inside because of pain, and become too self-absorbed and therefore lose many golden opportunities to reach out to others.
A couple of years ago, I was trying hard to put up a mask of happiness but I was too scared to let anyone into my life. I was trapped by my fear of rejection, after my first heartache with my first love. For so many nights I cried my self to sleep. I didn't know how to face life w/out her and I said, "Never Again!" Subsequently, I lead a dual life -- laughing on the outside yet crying inside for my life was filled with emptiness. I have kept myself quite distant and safe from people so that nothing would hurt me. Yet, I knew something was missing inside me.
Time has passed. I learned to let go of my mask of self-sufficiency and learned to tell people, "I need you" and I also learned to love again. My life slowly changed. Again, I discovered the essence, the beauty, and the power of love.
I also learned that when you risk in love u become vulnerable. You begin to experience hurt especially when there is loss. But I would still say it was worth it. For as the cliché goes "It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Life marches by. Let's go on with it. At some point, we all have to decide to move from our past. We've got to stop blaming the past for all our miseries in the present. All of us have something to gripe about but for how long and to what extent will we forever be trapped by it?
If u have unhealed hurts from the past that prevents us from loving, u need to work towards forgiveness and letting go. Otherwise, you will be forever tied to the past and be trapped into a life of fear. What kind of person do you think you are? Are you so worthless that u truly believed you are nothing w/ out this person u loved? My God, if the person cannot or refuses to love u, for goodness sake, LET GO! Your self-worth does not depend on this person's love. Find others who deserve your love. It takes two to tango. If the other refuses, u can't make it work. That's the predicament.
How wonderful it would be if all of us could look back, and not react anymore as a child-angry, spiteful, jealous, and unhappy- but as an adult capable now of understanding the circumstances of the past, accepting persons for their limitations, forgetting things that we could not carry through and choosing now not to react but to respond to life and its situation.

posted by: Dizzy (",) 3:47 PM


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